I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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