I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
