can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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