I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
