I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We're too hungover to prance.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
