You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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