Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
