Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I showed him my bush... on skype.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
