it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
