Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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