So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
