im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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