I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
