if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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