I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The best revenge is premature balding
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
