How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
