if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
