took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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