he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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