So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
