I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
