You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
