my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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