i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Mom said you looked used
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
