Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
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I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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