You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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