there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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