i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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