My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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