I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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