i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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