Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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