She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
