You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
