Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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