There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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