Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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