Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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