how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
