Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
