My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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