i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish my penis had a tongue
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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