Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
