perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
