i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
