I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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