We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
