Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
