I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
