She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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