I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
