ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
