We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
