Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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