i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
