Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
