fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
