Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
