Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
