So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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