Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
