dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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