eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
