oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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