so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
