i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
