How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
