Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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