Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
