Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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