1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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