well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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