He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
