Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
