dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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